Sally’s Story And Boundaries For Her Sexually Addicted Husband – Help for wife of a sex addict. Hello Jo. Ann,I found your website a couple of days ago and am so glad I found it. I just found out about my husband’s secret earlier this week. I am emotionally drained, but I am hoping that by sharing my story, I will feel at least a little better. Well, to say that I have just found out about it is wrong.

I found out about it 3 years ago, and now the Sex Addiction has reared it’s ugly head. I have been with my husband for 5 1/2 years and we met while I was in university. He is 1. 2 years older than me. He had moved to the USA from a different country. About 2 years ago, I moved to his home country with him and now we are married, no kids, a house and 2 great jobs. He is extremely successful, handsome and charming. I would say that I am attractive, smart and successful myself.

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Together, from the outside, we must look like the perfect couple. I continued to look at the emails – to see how long he had been doing this and found that it went back to when we first started dating. I confronted him right away on the phone and he was hysterical and apologized and begged me to stay.

Long story short, we never sought therapy for it and I forgave him because I didn’t think he had any kind of addiction – I had never even heard of a sex addict. That was this episode done. A year ago, I was visiting the US for 2 weeks and came back and was on the computer when I saw the history of web pages, I saw that he was on a pornography website. I confronted him again and he swore that he was just looking and he doesn’t do this regularly. I stupidly believed, as I genuinely thought that this man had the heart of a saint – warm, kind, just  a dream, really. He spoils me in every way and I love him very much.

We got married this summer. Then earlier this week I was on the computer again and his work email was up. I had to look and I’m so glad that I did. I opened – he had just written them day before.

She had originally contacted him, asking him how he was. He started to bring up history – most shockingly, he told her that HE WAS NOT MARRIED, but he “lived with a girl”. He also brought up very inappropriate innuendos including their “old bedroom” and “how great it was”  – he questioned how she was, what her life is like, etc.

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The email was flirtatious and inappropriate, and I’m confident that had I never caught it, he would go right back to what he was doing with craigslist. He came home about 1. I flipped out. I have never been so close in my life to hitting someone with intentions to create immense bodily harm.

I wanted to kill him. He was hysterical as well. Download God`S Not Dead 2 (2016) Movie In Hd. I called him every name in the book. I told him that he had a problem and he denied that he has a problem because he doesn’t do it very often. A few days have gone by and I’m convinced he has a sex addiction. I immediately told him that he is to go to treatment and I will set boundaries, and it he does not seek treatment or abide by my boundaries, I will leave an divorce him. He has since admitted that he has a problem and broke down in tears saying that he is so torn inside and feels that he has a “Bad” self and a “good” self – but doesn’t know what the problem is and has agreed very willingly to seek treatment and help right away.

He has accepted every one of my boundaries. I have attached that document, if you would like to see it. Jo. Ann, I am so confused. Every bone in my body is telling me to divorce and never look back. I am self- sustainable, still young (turning 2.

February). The reason that I believe him is that he agreed to all of my boundaries and has even signed the document. I told him that I will keep this document in a safe place. I have read so many stories on your site, so may so eerily similar to mind and I am haunted by the possibility that this thing will begin to unravel more. I am scared that he is not telling me the truth, so I have to assume the worst – though he claims he never physically cheated on me, I don’t believe him. I am going to get tested for all STDs next week to make sure that I’m safe. Jo. Ann, please give me some advice.

All I have in my head are awful scenarios of you. You have given me no choice but to not trust you. You have completely lost my trust and we have to start from scratch, basically. I do not believe that you believe that you have a problem. I hope that counseling and time will help you see that you do have a problem and you can begin the healing process. Most importantly, the number one reason that you should start treatment and healing is FOR YOURSELF. Our marriage and relationship is a bonus and also can be reasons for seeking help, but you cannot live like this forever, and that’s the reason you need help.

That being said: These are boundaries/conditions that I will put in place for the foreseeable future: These are absolute conditionals for us to start working on our marriage and for me to start trusting you again. If I do not see significant improvement in 6 months starting from today 1. November, then I will move out of the house and initiate a divorce. You are a married man. That means that any communication you have, be that to a stranger or someone you know needs to convey that you’re a married man. You have to set boundaries with people.

Anything that you do that you would not do with me knowing IS SHADY and you should not be doing it. If I even suspect that you are doing something shady, then I will move out and initiate a divorce. Download Whole Bang (2017) Movie there.

If you truly believe that this marriage is the most important thing in your life, then you will think about the repercussions of all your actions to the marriage. YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO SET BOUNDARIES AND ABIDE BY THOSE BOUNDARIES. COUNSELING: You have to accept right now that counseling may have to be a part of your life for a very long time, and by long time, I mean years. For the immediate/foreseeable future: You will go to counseling once a week for a period of 6 weeks (however, if your counselor feels that you should be going more, then you will), and I will go to counseling individually as well. We will go to one initial session together, then you will have your 6 sessions by yourself, then we will meet the counselor together again after your 6 sessions. We can assess after how many times you need to go to counseling thereafter.

If after 6 weeks, I feel the same way I do now and that I do not see ANY hope that you and I can go on in a marriage that is built on trust, respect and dignity, I will move out and initiate a divorce. LIVING SITUATION: You can stay in the house. You will sleep in a separate room until I feel that it is right to sleep in a room together – this can be months. For the next week (or even longer if I feel it is appropriate), we will live in separate living rooms.

However, if you feel the urge to feel a connection or to talk about how you are feeling, DO NOT SIT BY YOURSELF AND SULK OR KEEP IT INSIDE. Talking about your feelings will be the only way to get you out of turmoil or despair.

I will talk to you and be supportive, as I want you to get better. However, I will not live in a pretend situation and talk to you to “amuse you” or “to take your mind off of things.” Things will not go back to “how they were”(if ever they do go back to that). THERAPY AT HOME: I have ordered some books online about addictions that are sexual in nature and ways to recognize and work on those addictions. You and I will be reading these books. This is a way for us to spend time together in the evenings after work that is constructive and will help us understand what this problem is about. I want to get away from watching TV for the immediate future, as this is a far better way to be spending our free time and to face a problem rather than ignore it. DAY- TO- DAY LIVING: I will continue to clean the house, and maintain it, and I will also make you dinners.

For the immediate future, I will not eat my dinners with you.