Underworld: Blood Wars. The latest Underworld movie just hit theaters. It wasn’t screened for critics, with good reason: This is a review- proof movie. In fact, there isn’t much point in reviewing it, since it’s so clearly a fan- service movie, made with franchise fans in mind. So instead, here’s a rundown of mildly spoilery questions that address what goes on in the movie, who it’s for, how silly it all gets, and whether the movie lets Kate Beckinsale keep jumping from high objects and landing in a perfect superheroine crouch. So are there any blood wars in Underworld: Blood Wars, or is that just a fancy name? There are actually multiple blood wars in the movie!

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The overarching one is the 1,5. Underworld series since the first installment, 2. Underworld. But there’s also a secondary one that’s also run throughout the entire series: the war for control of the vampire faction, which is fought via guns, swords, a treacherous political web of intrigue, and a lot of ponderous speeches, usually made while staring off into the middle distance and wearing a lot of black leather. This is the fifth Underworld movie. Usually by this deep into a series, the original stars have disappeared. Did that happen here?

Kate Beckinsale, the star of the original Underworld, is still playing the series’ protagonist, a vampire named Selene who’s considered the most lethal, unstoppable fighter in the vampire/lycan wars. Selene’s hybrid vampire/werewolf lover Michael (Scott Speedman) checked out after the second installment in the franchise, and so did original director Len Wiseman. Every series entry since then has had a different director.

This installment is the directorial debut of Anna Foerster, a special- effects specialist who graduated to TV direction with series like Criminal Minds and Outlander. The series’ original recurring characters, played by Michael Sheen and Bill Nighy, died off a while back, but Charles Dance and Theo James are back as patrician vampire elder Thomas and his broody son David. Those two were introduced in 2. Underworld: Awakening.

Wait, Charles Dance? I loved him on Game Of Thrones. How much is Underworld: Blood Wars like Game Of Thrones? There are a surprising number of similarities, including an entire new sub- group of vampires who all look and dress exactly like Daenerys Targaryen on Game Of Thrones, and apparently get their super- fake- looking bone- white wigs from the same hairdresser she uses. Also, Charles Dance pretty much plays the same character he did on Game Of Thrones, except he’s a vampire now, and he clearly cares about his son for non- political reasons. But that aside, the Underworld movies are really, really densely packed with political maneuvering and scheming, and with people standing around in beautifully elaborate leather clothing, and with people abruptly getting their throats cut. Even though most of the films take place in the present day, and there are a lot of modern weapons in use, the characters spend a lot of time going after each other with swords and knives.

Bloodlines are incredibly important, and Blood Wars has a “guess the secret parentage” plot that’s pretty reminiscent of Jon Snow’s big reveal in Thrones. There’s an ancestral sword in this movie, presented to the scion of a noble family in another scene that feels really familiar. Both series feature betrayal after betrayal after betrayal, most of them punctuated with murder. But perhaps most importantly, both series have reached a point where the backstory is more important than anything actually going on onscreen at any given moment, because there’s so much of it, and it affects every move the characters make, and every throat they cut or spine they rip out. I don’t remember any spine- ripping in Game Of Thrones.

They didn’t have the budget for that kind of thing at first. Give them time, they’ve got to keep ramping up the atrocity- meter somehow. So there’s spine- ripping. That sounds pretty over- the top. Is this movie fun?

It really should be, but it mostly isn’t. The vampires- vs.- werewolves concept is pulpy and comes with a slight tinge of gleeful camp, but everyone onscreen seems to be miserable and glowering at all times. Lara Pulver, who played Irene Adler on Sherlock, at least appears to be enjoying herself as new character Semira, an up- and- coming vampire council member whose hobbies include wearing improbably revealing clothing and bullying her pouty boy- toy Varga (Damien star Bradley James). Also amassing power, and cradling giant blood- goblets while giving speeches about power. But the story mostly centers on Selene suffering like the most angsty grim- and- gritty superhero Frank Miller ever wrote. She lost her mortal family, she lost her lover, she lost her vampire father- figure, she lost her clan standing and her purpose for living, and she never lets the film forget it. This time around, she’s suffering because she had to leave her hybrid vamp- wolf daughter Eve behind forever, because everyone wants to find Eve and steal her magic blood.

Her. Like I said, bloodlines are incredibly important in the Underworld movies, but that’s mostly because blood has all kinds of powers. Vampires can drink people’s blood and experience their memories. Vampires and lycans both have a common ancestor with a blood mutation, and vamps like Selene with a direct bloodline back to him get extra powers.

And the lycans believe Eve’s blood will make them super- powerful because reasons. They don’t really get into the reasons, but they sure do harp on Eve a lot. Screen Gems. But c’mon, vampires and werewolves fighting. That’s gotta be kinda fun, right? It was in the first movie, but it’s gotten pretty samey, frankly, which may explain why this movie has so much more vampire intrigue than vamp- wolf combat. In Pursuit Of Silence Teaser (2017) Free Streaming there. The CGI werewolves still look really cheap and ugly, which has always been a problem with the series, and the combat tends to be either an eye- hurting blur or a bunch of Zack Snyder- friendly leaps between slo- mo and quicktime.

The martial- arts faceoffs do tend to be more rah- rah exciting, but the gunfights are just a lot of blood- splatter and bodies hitting the floor. So who are these movies for? Role- players who loved Vampire: The Masquerade (and its million multimedia offshoots) and can’t get enough vampire political discourse and angry werewolf slavering.

Longtime Underworld series fans, for whom this has become a soap opera punctuated by violence: everyone’s always harping on who did what to who years ago, there’s a lot of hammy bad- guy scheming, and occasionally two poor doomed characters will hook up under unlikely circumstances. Unfortunately, sex in this series is usually about as fatal as it is in slasher movies. Is this a good place to enter the series? Mostly no, because of all the backstory.

That said, a good character guide will cover most of the basics, and the characters helpfully stop every 1. Eve’s magic blood, or about the crimes that got Selene exiled. Or they just restate their relationships to each other for anyone who’s feeling lost.

This is one of the things that make the movie kind of a drag. What else makes the movie a drag? Well, this is really a complaint about the whole franchise, but everything in this movie is so damn dim. Vampires can’t stand sunlight, so it makes sense that the vampire scenes would all look like David Fincher lit them with the same 2. Fight Club. But there’s no clear reason why the lycans also like to operate in grimy bleak underlit environments. The entire film has the same blue- and- black color palette, and it gets really samey and visually dreary.

It means visibility in a lot of scenes is pretty poor. It also means the entire franchise feels like it’s stuck in a grubby goth- grunge, post- Nine Inch Nails era that felt wearily dated three movies ago. Screen Gems. But does this film forward the Underworld story? Does it add anything new?

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